A Conversation with HEELE - His track “A New Friend,” pandemic life, and sushi

The track itself starts in a flurry, getting into the thick of things without a moment’s hesitation. That said, it isn’t in a rush. It takes its time getting where it’s going. Along with that, “A New Friend,” is well-written, feeding listeners snapshots of rejection that they can then project their own experiences onto. The song goes out just as it came in, going strong until cutting out completely at the end.

What really sets the song apart are the industrial details HEELE has included meticulously. When combined with some of the other unconventional production choices, “A New Friend” has a chilling feel, like cold steel pressed against your warm body. It has an uncomfortable nature that pairs perfectly with the subject matter.

Together with Henss, we arranged an interview to get into the details of mental health, recording during Covid, and his preferred pandemic-era greeting.

mvsicthovght (m): First off, there's been so much difference in how people have experienced the pandemic. How have you been over the last year, just as a human?

HEELE (H): This last year has been very difficult, but I’ve managed to find some upsides. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and social anxiety disorder as a young adult, which I’d eventually learned to manage pre-pandemic through therapy and medication. Spending the last year working in isolation has forced me to change some of my coping strategies, and although being alone is sometimes helpful when it comes to my social anxiety it’s also exacerbated my depression. I’ve really had to put more effort into self-care throughout this pandemic and have found exercise, outdoor activities, and a focus on creative projects to be very therapeutic for me.

m: I think self-care was working its way into social consciousness before the pandemic, but since we’ve had to go into lockdowns and restrictions, self-care has really come to the forefront. How did recording affect you emotionally?

H: Recording and writing are some of my favorite things to do, but the process tends to be endlessly frustrating. The struggle to honor a vision for a new song or project leads me down many rabbit holes, and the fact that I’ve been foolish enough to try to do 100% of the production work myself makes matters a lot worse. The goal is to achieve a harmonious balance between the technical, creative, and performance elements that are all required to make a project work. This time around I really wanted to push my singing and lyric writing forward, but at times I felt like I just wasn’t capable enough and wanted to completely give up as a result. What I’m continually reminded of is that I benefit a great deal from this catharsis as far as my self-esteem and mental health are concerned, and that there is no greater satisfaction than when I finally get to listen to the finished product…but I’m also pretty sick of it by then and ready to move onto the next thing!

m: I once had a very brief foray into music production while I was in college, and I wasn’t even recording the tracks, but I remember the frustrations and obsessing over every little detail…but you have been working and recording. You have an EP on the way as well as a newly released single called “A New Friend.” What can you tell us about the track?

H: Musically speaking, the core of this track emerged over a decade ago and it remained in songwriting limbo until sometime in 2018. I had a really hard time writing an adequate guitar part for the chorus section of this song and I suspect that it took exposure to the right musical influences (Killing Joke, Autolux, and Failure) for me to eventually figure it out. The lyrical themes deal with experiencing social exclusion and the process of finding solidarity with like-minded “outsiders.”

m: As a listener, I think I take for granted that an artist or a band is working on a song in a condensed window of time… but to hear that “A New Friend” is something like three years in the making – it changes your perspective. Your EP is coming out later this year. Tell us a little bit about the larger project… What we can expect from it thematically? Musically?

H: Originally, my plan was to create a trio of EPs based on Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle (Pathos, Ethos, and Logos), with the idea being that I’d loosely frame my music in these ways in order to represent my creative vision in a more complete manner. Pathos (my first EP) was an attempt at presenting myself emotionally, and the upcoming Ethos EP will hopefully show more confidence, experience, and credibility as far as my songwriting is concerned. The third EP, Logos, will be more direct in terms of instrumentation and lyrical content. I suspect that Logos will end up being the most accessible to listeners, unless I really take a left turn with the production! 

m: If the rest of Ethos carries the same quality as “A New Friend,” I think you’ll see your hopes become reality. I thought the track does a good job articulating the feelings of social exclusion and it’s clear you’ve been thoughtful about your lyrics. They strike a nice balance between explicit and ambiguity, leaving a lot of room for the listener to color in a lot of the details with their own ideas and experiences.

Let’s shift gears into the business and distribution side of things. Writing about music, I’m becoming more and more aware of all the ways artists distribute their music, and I’m learning that not all methods are fair or equal. “A New Friend” and Ethos will be available via all major streaming platforms. National and international artists have lamented streaming, but how about you? As a local, regional act, what are your thoughts.

H: As a listener I love streaming services because they provide a straightforward way to dive deep into an artist’s catalogue. Many times I’ve found myself wondering about renowned artists that I’ve never really sat down to study and it’s very gratifying (and enlightening) to be able to explore all of their music on a whim. As an artist I’m somewhat conflicted. I really appreciate the fact that I can release my music independently and potentially reach a lot of listeners, but since it’s so easy to record music and get it onto these streaming platforms the music pool seems like it’s too big. It also seems nearly impossible to grow your listener base or make any money on streams. A lot of artists already know this though, and they’ve leveraged their careers by taking ownership of their live shows and merchandising. That said, it’s a labor of love for me and I will keep doing it despite these inherent challenges.

m: It really does feel like a double-edged sword, on one hand you have so many barriers being lowered, and artists have opportunities they maybe never would have had 30 years ago. On the other hand, you have so many people who have the ability to put out music, it feels like we’ve been over saturated at times. Overall though, I think you have a pretty good attitude about things – understanding why you make your music and taking the good with the bad. Aside from recording, have you taken any other steps to help support your mental health?

H: I’d actually reconnected with my therapist at the beginning of 2020 after a 3 year hiatus, just prior to the pandemic. All throughout my adult life I’ve found talk therapy to be the best intervention as far as my anxiety and depression are concerned. The process of making your sometimes hidden emotional inner world into something that’s tangible by converting it into spoken word is a very powerful way to gain perspective. As I’ve grown older I’ve found that traumatic events have less of a hold over me if I share them with others and work to increase my support network. I might also try EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) this year to see if that happens to work for me as well. Ultimately, trying new things and getting out of my “mental rut” is usually the key for me.

m: I think a lot of people would think of sharing personal work as being cause for more anxiety, but I like that for you, it’s not just the process of writing that’s healing, but the publishing and sharing the music as well.

You mention trying new things – let’s touch on that. I've seen a lot of people on social media taking on new projects in the last year, from baking bread, to remodels, to writing projects. Did you experiment with any other creative endeavors or pick up any new skills?

H: About a month into the 2020 quarantine I went through some pretty serious sushi withdrawal and at the time we were still at least a month or two away from any of the sushi restaurants reopening, so my girlfriend and I took things into our own hands and decided to try to make some ourselves. It was tons of prep work but very worthwhile and our sushi rolls turned out great! I also started running more in 2020 and worked on increasing my physical strength and endurance. Aside from that, I’ve taken to a number of previously-delayed guitar and amplifier repair projects and also did a remix for the band Decent News.

m: SHOOT! You’ve been busy! That’s all on top of being a music educator too, something you’ve mentioned previously.  Do your experiences as a musician inform your work in education, and conversely, does your work in education inform your music?

H: I’m a music educator and I spend most of my afternoons and evenings giving people of all ages guitar lessons. I approach music education as a music lover first and as a player second, and I really try to push my students to develop their critical listening habits. When I have a student that expresses an interest in creating their own music I really try to help them find their own creative voice. Being an educator provides me with a musical connection to younger generations, which in turn helps me to keep my own musical outlook fresh.

FROM INDUSTRIAL ROCK TO INDUSTRIAL HIP HOP: CT HEAT: 404 by SotoLish

m: As a teacher and a coach myself, I can really appreciate how teaching and helping other people along help us understand and discover things at a deeper level. It’s cool that what you pour into your students can find ways to come back to you.

It’s about time to wrap things up, but before we do, one last thing. Have you come up with any special greetings now that high-fives and handshakes are off the table? I'm a big fan of the elbow to elbow "Covid Bump.” I might keep that going even after we've cleared the pandemic.

H: I’ve done both the elbow and the foot bump! My first experience with elbow bumping was back in high school when my friends and I were trying to develop some sort of an “in group” meeting gesture. Truth be told, I’ve never been a fan of hand shaking and have actually grown to prefer hugs when it comes to greeting friends and family.

m: Oh dude. I went a while without hugging my mom when this all started… I definitely needed one of those.

Thanks for taking the time to answer some questions and giving us a peak behind the curtain. I think there will be a few people who really benefit from your openness and honesty. It’s been a pleasure.

“A New Friend” is available for purchase via HEELE’s BandCamp and is streaming via your preferred music platform.

Michael Stroneski, editor at mvsicthovght, has started several blogs and multi-media projects you’ve never seen. He is a life-long cheerleader for Connecticut and underground music. You can reach him at contact@mvsicthovght.com.